I'd Buy You A Green Dress

I was discussing yesterday what I would do in the unlikely event of a massive windfall of cash into my life. A friend asked if I went to a casino and won $100,000, would I quit my job, and with very little thought I decided, yes, I certainly would, and would most likely go to graduate school. Not particularly grand plans, but $100,000 is not really that much money. However, if I were to find, say, $10,000,000 in my lap? That's a different story.

Obviously, setting up a new standard of living for myself, and Heidi and Daisy, and Mom and Dad too, is a priority. And taking care of Daisy's education, from now till college, is on the agenda as well. But honestly, if I wake up with $10,000,000 in my bank account, the first thing I am doing is going out and buying myself an elephant. I will buy an elephant, I will buy some place to put my elephant, I will pay someone to take care of my elephant when I'm not around, and I will buy a saddle and ride that elephant all around.

And then, after the elephant, I'm finding a nice small town with a good sense of humor (someplace like Munster, IN, but consistently warmer) and running for mayor. Or I might found my own town and probably name it after a celebrity, like Burgess Meredith, KY, or 2Pac, MO.

So years from now, you'll be on an airplane and pick up the in-flight magazine (because you forgot your Jodi Picoult novel - for shame!) and flip through looking for the drink specials to see if they still have ginger ale and bam! there's a human interest story on one of the most absurd and pleasant citizens of the midwest, the elephant-riding mayor of Tupac, Missouri, and you'll know I've made it.