Two Grand Openings - The M.O.A.B. and John Luzar's Head!

It's been slightly more than a week since my last post and in that time my new casino has opened and my best friend was hit by a car.

So many of you know my favorite actor John Luzar. He's sitting in a Starbucks on the north side, reading a book and listening to music when bang, he's across the room with a painting on his head. Apparently there were no more places in the parking lot and a fifty-nine-year-old broad decided to plow her Lexus through the front window of the joint and park inside. Johnboy was taken to the hospital where they stapled his head shut and slapped some ointment on the huge bearclaw shaped gashes on his neck. At last report, he still remembered his name, his birthday, and the name of every Paul Weller record in chronological order. Articles and photos of this absurd event can be found here and here. You can also find out how John's feelings correspond to song lyrics here.

Meanwhile I got to work a fourteen hour day yesterday as we opened the doors to our brand new $585 million casino, the Horseshoe M.O.A.B., or "Mother Of All Boats" (which, according to able bodied seamen Dan Stearns no longer qualifies as a boat but is technically a barge, and this means the coast guard does not require us to employ as many maritime officials. This is not relevant information but allowed me to refer to Dan Stearns as an able bodied seamen.)

The new place is, in a word, grand. If you never made it out to see me at the Horseshoe before, then the exact leap in grandeur will be lost on you. Imagine playing tag football on the midway one day and then showing up at the Super Bowl the next. Our old boat was fine, and in fact nicer than many in the area, but the new place is something Chicago has not had before: a real, Vegas-style casino. I'm not generally a shill for my company, and in fact I don't encourage my friends to gamble or dive into the casino lifestyle, but I will say that I am very impressed with the new place and you should all come check it out.

So that's what's been going on in the last week. I did promise Drew that I would get up a post with more on Batman, and I still might get to that, and also I have some more lists. But for now, as I say to all my casino guests, so long suckers!