The Next 26 Books I Read

I've been having a great deal of trouble deciding what next to read. Things keep being added to my book 'queue' and I haven't been able to pick where to start. So, I've fallen back on the oldest organisational system known to the Phoenicians: alphabetizing. Picking one book for each letter by author, here are the next twenty-six books I intend to read.

Or rather, the next twenty-two - I've been having difficulty coming up with anything appealing for U, X, Y, and Z. Any suggestions? Otherwise I'll be plowing through the autobiographies of Xeno and Brian Urlacher.

1. The Music Of Chance, Paul Auster
2. Paradise, Donald Barthelme*
3. Tell No One, Harlan Coben
   
4. Little Brother, Cory Doctorow
5. Strange Killings, Warren Ellis
   
6. The Hippopotamus, Stephen Fry
   
7. Pattern Recognition, William Gibson
   
8. The Elementary Particles, Michel Houellebecq
9. The Transfiguration Of Benno Blimpie, Albert Innaurato
   
10. No One Belongs Here More Than You, Miranda July
    
11. 4.48 Psychosis, Sarah Kane
    
12. Moneyball, Michael Lewis
    
13. Lamb, Christopher Moore
    
14. Ada, Vladimir Nabokov
15. Days Of Awe, Achy Obejas
    
16. V., Thomas Pynchon
    
17. Fortress Besieged, Zhongshu Qian
    
18. The Wu-Tang Manual: Enter The 36 Chambers, Vol. 1, The RZA
    
19. Soft Power, Matt Segur
20. Ashtrays, Lukas Tomin
21. ?
    
22. Rising Up, Rising Down, William T. Vollman
    
23. The Stone Gods, Jeanette Winterson
24. ?
25. ?
26. ?
    

*bizarrely, 'B' was probably the most difficult letter upon which to make a decision. Contenders included Storm Front by Jim Butcher, The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolano, Playing Shakespeare by John Barton, The Empty Space by Peter Brook, The Collected Ambrose Bierce, Waiting For Godot by Samuel Beckett, The Dispossessed by John Berryman, What Should I Do With My Life? by Po Bronson, Mother Courage And Her Children by Bertolt Brecht, and Post Office by Charles Bukowski. 'S' also put up a good fight: Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson, The Coast Of Utopia Trilogy by Tom Stoppard, Pericles by William Shakespeare, Buried Child by Sam Shepard, and Maus I & II by Art Spiegelman. And hey, I can't guarantee I won't stray from the path here and there. Maybe I'll get to a few letters and linger. I'm not known for my regimentality anyway.

Bubbies

I'm not much of a 'product endorsment' kind of guy, usually, but if you happen to be in the grocery store, and the thought crosses your mind that sometime, someday in the future, perhaps late at night, perhaps in the middle of the afternoon, perhaps in a box with a fox, rockin' out with your stock portfolios out, you feel you might enjoy some type of sustenance, some type of flavorful 'snack', if you will, you should know that it is all about Bubbies Bread & Butter Chips Pickles. They are goddamn delicious.

Two Grand Openings - The M.O.A.B. and John Luzar's Head!

It's been slightly more than a week since my last post and in that time my new casino has opened and my best friend was hit by a car.

So many of you know my favorite actor John Luzar. He's sitting in a Starbucks on the north side, reading a book and listening to music when bang, he's across the room with a painting on his head. Apparently there were no more places in the parking lot and a fifty-nine-year-old broad decided to plow her Lexus through the front window of the joint and park inside. Johnboy was taken to the hospital where they stapled his head shut and slapped some ointment on the huge bearclaw shaped gashes on his neck. At last report, he still remembered his name, his birthday, and the name of every Paul Weller record in chronological order. Articles and photos of this absurd event can be found here and here. You can also find out how John's feelings correspond to song lyrics here.

Meanwhile I got to work a fourteen hour day yesterday as we opened the doors to our brand new $585 million casino, the Horseshoe M.O.A.B., or "Mother Of All Boats" (which, according to able bodied seamen Dan Stearns no longer qualifies as a boat but is technically a barge, and this means the coast guard does not require us to employ as many maritime officials. This is not relevant information but allowed me to refer to Dan Stearns as an able bodied seamen.)

The new place is, in a word, grand. If you never made it out to see me at the Horseshoe before, then the exact leap in grandeur will be lost on you. Imagine playing tag football on the midway one day and then showing up at the Super Bowl the next. Our old boat was fine, and in fact nicer than many in the area, but the new place is something Chicago has not had before: a real, Vegas-style casino. I'm not generally a shill for my company, and in fact I don't encourage my friends to gamble or dive into the casino lifestyle, but I will say that I am very impressed with the new place and you should all come check it out.

So that's what's been going on in the last week. I did promise Drew that I would get up a post with more on Batman, and I still might get to that, and also I have some more lists. But for now, as I say to all my casino guests, so long suckers!

Somebody Broke My New Boat

For those of you gamblers, let me just say: Chicagoland's Premiere Gaming Destination is about to get even premierier! That's right, August 8th 2008 (080808 - maybe you've seen the billboards), we will be opening our brand new, gigantic Mother Of All Boats (M.O.A.B.).

At least, we hope to. This morning we had a minor setback when our main entrance kind of ... collapsed. Here's an article from the NWI Times.

In actuality, I'm sure our grand opening on the 8th won't be delayed, but our soft opening on Saturday might get pushed back a wee bit.

I'm pretty excited, really - I haven't been on board the new boat yet and I'm looking forward to it. From what I've heard, it's bordering on Vegas-style opulence. No Chihuly ceilings or roller coasters on the roof, but opulent nonetheless. Plus we'll finally have an entertainment venue (creatively dubbed The Venue) and will soon be featuring such still-relevant performers as Bette Midler, Jay Leno, The Smashing Pumpkins, The Stone Temple Pilots, and Liza Minelli.

But enough about that. The important thing is that the boat broke and I got to come home at noon. Woo hoo!

The Dark Knight IMAXified

It is awesome.

I will collect my thoughts and discuss it more in detail later, but for now, know this:

It is awesome.

My Hippy Shoes Have Arrived!

My brand new Simple Shoes have arrived. They are made of hemp, organic cotton, recycled plastics and, most awesomely, recycled car tires. The soles still have tire treads on them. (Mine are "cub", which apparently to the Simple folk means tan, not blue and red.)

Most Favored Nations

Keeping up the lists, here's one Ann Marie and I worked up a few years ago. I sent to McSweeney's a while back. Ms Lonsdale suggested I put it up here.

Countries Named After Myself And Friends:

• Ann Mariethiopia
• Elizabithuania
• The Seanited Arab Emirates
• Chad

Some others that didn't make the McSweeney submission:

• Brystonia
• Lundonesia
• HANTarctica
  
• Argentima Bassiri
• Jack Tambabwe
• Malawi MacBride
• Saudi Booth Coleman
  
• Jon Ryan Quinnsylvania

I'm sure there were others, and there will certainly be more. Feel free to throw in more.

Feelin' Odd in the Neighborhood

There's some goings-on in Hyde Park, but sadly, your local casino supervisor is not in touch enough to know exactly what. This morning while walking my dog I came down Greenwood to find a bevy of what could only be Secret Service (who else has that combination of SUVs, sunglasses, and those ear piece things?) hanging around, along with one camera crew that did not appear to be associated with any press. I assume this event to be Obama-related. Then coming home from the bar around midnight, I drove down Woodlawn past Minister Farrakhan's house and there were about thirty dudes seemingly standing guard around the fence. And not uniformed security, like the private security car that is absolutely always there; these guys just looked like a bevy of concerned but uncertain citizens trying their best to look like bouncers. And I'm shamed to admit, as an awkward white guy playing loud hip-hop in my Buick as I drove by, I didn't feel comfortable stopping to ask what was going on.

I imagine both events are unrelated, but it did strike home the idea that I live in a neighborhood full of influential people. Kind of fun to think that in a few months I might be able to say I live in the President's neighborhood.

Not Too Early To Start Shopping

I know everyone has been having the same anxieties lately. The economy is in shambles, gas prices are skyrocketing, and, weighing heaviest on everyone's minds, Sean's 30th birthday is only two months away - what on Earth does he want for a present? Fortunately, I want lots of things, and on top of that I just love presents, so anything you wrap and slap a bow on will delight me, I'm sure. But just in case you are completely stumped, I have compiled a wish list. Here it is, thirty things I would like for my birthday, in order of attainability from easily acquired to nearly Herculean labor.

1. sausages (chicken apple or pork andouille)
   
2. a mix cd
3. socks, silly or straight
   
4. Old Rasputin Imperial Stout
5. Trapper Keeper
   
6. gift card to Chipotle
7. a picture of me, drawn by you
8. Dogfish Head Red & White
9. pair of sunglasses
10. a tie clip
11. pants, preferably plaid, checkered or bell bottomed
12. a night out at Duke Of Perth
13. a pipe
14. Tom Waits' Rain Dogs on vinyl
15. a sportcoat (green, brown corduroy, or tweed)
16. Talisker 10-Year
17. a porkpie hat
    
18. Laphroaig 10-Year Cask Strength
19. Special Topics In Calamity Physics, Marisha Pessl (1st Edition)
20. Davidoff Aniversario #2 cigars
    
21. ostrich leather watch band
22. Suntory Yamazaki 18-Year Single-Malt
23. Pnin, Vladimir Nabokov (1st Edition)
24. Johnny Walker Blue Label
25. Jack Stack Barbecue
26. Three Floyds Dark Lord
27. iPhone
28. George T. Stagg bourbon
29. Toyota Prius
    
30. my old cat Pirate Cat

That should be enough to get everyone started. Good luck!

Debut - A Geeky List!

Ripped from the pages of the AV Club, my first post is one of the geekier list ideas I've come across in a while: Choose an album for every year you've been alive. Here goes.

• 1978 - The Muppet Show Album
  
• 1979 - The Undertones, The Undertones
• 1980 - Sequel, Harry Chapin
  
• 1981 - Raiders Of The Lost Ark Soundtrack, John Williams
• 1982 - Imperial Bedroom, Elvis Costello & The Attractions
  
• 1983 - An Innocent Man, Billy Joel
  
• 1984 - Let It Be, The Replacements
  
• 1985 - Rain Dogs, Tom Waits
• 1986 - The Queen Is Dead, The Smiths
• 1987 - Spillane, John Zorn
  
• 1988 - Volume One, Traveling Wilburys
  
• 1989 - Doolittle, Pixies
• 1990 - Pornograffiti, Extreme
  
• 1991 - "The Yellow Tape", Barenaked Ladies
• 1992 - Automatic For The People, R.E.M.
• 1993 - In Pieces, Garth Brooks
  
• 1994 - American Recordings, Johnny Cash
• 1995 - Liquid Swords, GZA
  
• 1996 - Hot, Squirrel Nut Zippers
  
• 1997 - OK Computer, Radiohead
• 1998 - In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, Neutral Milk Hotel
  
• 1999 - Office Space Sountrack
  
• 2000 - Mass Romantic, The New Pornographers
  
• 2001 - White Blood Cells, The White Stripes
  
• 2002 - No!, They Might Be Giants
  
• 2003 - Her Majesty, The Decemberists
  
• 2004 - MM...Food?, MF Doom
  
• 2005 - The Sunset Tree, The Mountain Goats
• 2006 - Return To Cookie Mountain, TV On The Radio
  
• 2007 - Grinderman, Grinderman
  
• 2008 - The Bake Sale EP, The Cool Kids

That's my list. I think it's a good mix of music I was listening to at those points in my life, and music that I have discovered since that has had an impact on me.